My goodness, Gotham Gazers - a lot happened while I was away. But before we get into the Spitzers, fallen cranes, explosions in Times Square etc. — my report.

You will recall that I hopped on Caribbean cruise (on Holland America’s ms Noordam, as it happens) out of the New York Passenger Ship Terminal. As always, this was done in the name of research and behalf of the greater good - after all, you might one day find yourself at the Passenger Ship Terminal and I want you to know what to expect.

I am glad to report that while the terminal itself has all the atmosphere of a self-storage locker, the experience was vastly easier and less stressful than any airport in recent memory. That alone could recommend it. But other high point include the luggage being handled RIGHT at curbside with a shocking efficiency and ease. And you don’t see it again until it is in your cabin. Having all those bags (no luggage restrictions, you see so I rather overdid on the over-packing) taken off my hands right away made moving through the terminal much easier. Admittedly, my fellow passengers - I suspect not swift at the best of times - managed to make it slightly harder but it was early in my trip and I was still inclined to think kindly of those of advancing years (and believe me, when I say ‘advancing’, I mean with the middle name ‘Methusela’).

The waiting area isn’t exactly the Ritz. In fact, it looks a bit like a “social” held in a church basement - all those metal, folding chairs. But the system is efficient enough. You are given a number and groups (by number) are called up to make their way through the first of many lines. They assure themselves that you at least resemble your passport picture and send you through the metal detector to the check in line. Now the check in line - in the middle of a large, unadorned warehouse space that brings to mind the set of Resevoir Dogs - is a SERIOUS sized line but there is a bank of 25-30 people checking passengers in so it moves quickly. After that, you’re on the boat and off to the Caribbean!

Coming back through the terminal was even faster if not slightly more chaotic. I can’t say I think much of the luggage claim system - you are called off the ship in groups and your luggage (as well as everyone else’s) has been piled in the Reservoir Dogs warehouse - roughly by groups but not necessarily together with your other bags. People wander, poke, search and get in each other’s way until they stumble upon their stuff (or presumably stuff they are willing to accept in its stead). You wander off to fetch a porter (again - there were no luggage restrictions so you’re weighed down with three ENORMOUS bags (or you were if you were me) and are taken out to the curbside taxi line.

I say line but - um - they need to work on this. There’s a woman handing out tickets with no discernible system and she’s calling numbers that have no obvious connection to the ticket you are holding in your hands. But there’s no line. People (and their stuff) are just milling about on the curbside wherever their porter left them. I got my taxi relatively quickly but I suspect it’s because I had on my “irritated and getting more so by the minute” face and asked her directly to explain what her system was since it was unapparent to me. She wanted me out of the way. Still, I was home again in a mere 30 minutes from the time my group was called to depart the ship - and a half an hour is NOT to be sneezed at in the age of 7 hours days for a 2 hour flight.

Oh! Were you expecting a report on the cruise itself? Silly people - this is “Greater GOTHAM” - not “Greater Caribbean Cruises I Have Known.” What’s that? OK - in short, it was fantastic. I would recommend taking a cruise leaving from New York for all New Yorkers. But act soon. Holland America has already decided that after this season, they are not docking in New York anymore (stories and reasons vary depending on who you ask but it must all come down to money one way or another) and other lines may soon follow. The Port Authority should have moved MUCH faster on fixing that terminal up - it might have – just might have - prevented this lamented desertion.